Ännu en begravning - men denna gång grät jag inte

My 3rd funeral yet, but as my faith in God has grown a lot since the first funeral 5 years ago I can say that this one was bit easier, and for some odd reason I didn't cry. For I know that Grandmother suffered a lot during her last years and I knew she wasn't all that happy unless we were there. 

All her life she was very active, ending up in a wheelchair is not an easy thing to grasp for a strong woman like her and with the death of my grandfather she was now alone, with her children in another country except my father, me and my mother who tried to visit as often as possible, but it's hard to when we live so far away. And for Grandmother, well, life wasn't all that worthy. We thought moving her to a smaller apartment, with caregivers in the same building would be better. But she was still, alone. It was hard seeing her becoming more old, she was still as beautiful, but the speaking wasn't so good, she could no longer write, and as a painter and a poem writer, that also is a hard thing to grasp.

I prayed to God each and every time after we visited her, to give her peace, to take away her pain, to, when the time is right, take her soul into His hands. Because of my faith in God, my faith in knowing that there is heaven, that there is eternal life, I could not be sad during the funeral, because I now knew that she was no longer in pain, no longer in sorrow, no longer alone.
The last time we visited her my father and mother were planning when the weather was better, to take her out on a stroll and read her poems. 

But something told me that that wouldn't happen, I was sure that it was the last time I would see her alive. She was just laying there in her bed so gently. She didn't have her fake teeth in so it was hard to understand what she was saying, but I could see in her eyes that she was ready to go. When I went to say goodbye, I kissed her and held her hand, she smiled and nodded at me like some sort of understanding. When I went out I bursted out in tears.

The following night I had a terrible nightmare. Where I was in my bed, not being able to move, nor able to talk, I tried to scream but nothing came out, the dream ended with me laying in bed, not able to do anything, with my mother and father next to me just watching me as if they could not see me looking at them. 

When I woke up I knew, that Grandmother had passed away. 
With no news from my father and mother I knew the whole day. Around 2pm I checked my facebook wall and saw a message from my cousin, "Condolences".

We can be sad for that her physical presence is no longer with us, but we should also be happy for the life she lived, the memories and joy that we got to experience with her. 
Spend time with your loved ones, even if it feels like a burden sometimes, those moments are the ones you will cherish at the end. Life on this earth is not forever, life is short, so make the best out of it. 
Love your family!
For now she is no longer in pain, no longer in sorrow, but with God in the heavens above, in peace.

I Love you so much Grandmother Else, may your soul rest in peace.
Amen.


/Jacques